you know

You know

I just feel like.. Giving up

Death seems taste sweet

I undergo so much emotion today, maybe because of PMS too

At some point i feel so happy after reading good story but when i reflected it to myself, i feel like those kind of happiness are unreachable for me thus i feel sad and suicidal thought are climbing up again

Am i bipolar or something? I dont think so

But this kind of extreme moodswing really hurts me 

Btw i got depressed again because i realize that myself is not suit to stay alive. Like natural selection, i believe that i will disappear soon cause i dont suit to stay alive.

I got to know a lot of strong people. They are normal human, they feel a lot of emotion, sad and frustate, yet they still do their best to pass their challenge

They sad, they cry, they fall and crush but they still try to stand.

To pass what test that keep crushing them.

It amazing. I amazed by their tenacity

Something that i don't have. 

Okay, i use to have it. But i lost it.

I sad, i cry, i was crushed, but i can't stand. Why am I so weak and useless?

I just cant do it. I don't know. I can't.

It hurts. They hurting too, but they can stand. 

And I ? Just crying and crying and doing nothing and pitying myself and becoming so useless.

I just can defined me as useless.

I undergo so much emotions today

Dopamine are not permanent.

Cortisol is

allergic symptom?

I don't know

I think i have allergic reaction in.. Spendinf money

I feel agitated, nausea, especially when i spending money too much

I want to stop this spending habit of mine

How can i say no?

Please tell me

15 11 19

There are no fun thing that happen today.


Hmm i guess there is.

Wait

Lemme take an ss and pic

Hehe

I will do my Paper test in tuesday

I don't know if i could do it or not tho

11 11 19

I made milo in the morning

It taste bitter 

But when i drank it again in the day

It's salty


I saw someone cry in pete"
She hide herself behind her backpack
But i could see that she was crying
She don't know why she was crying
It was nothing big that could be crying for
Yet she still cry
She remind herself of the beach to calm her mind
She creep her nails to her hand so she can bear the pain

Yet her tears keep falling



She feels like to just end it all

She feels like she just can't do it anymore

But as the time pass, when her mind was clear already, she will try to face it again

Today spending 
58K for food and transportation
(Pocky33K, Cfc 3K, BK 12K, PT"(10K) 

Kemarin

Oke jadi kemarin itu tanggal... Tanggal berapa ya aku lupa :/

Bentar

Oh tanggal 20 november hehe

Jadi kemarin beli printer 😳

Agak lucu juga sih, karena ayah yang nanya " mau beli printer? " pas aku nanya dimana printer putih hp yang lama wkekekek

Ayah gitu banget. Terbaik sekali huhuhu

Kemarin juga pas ku bilang kalau leherku sakit karena bantal ku terlalu keras, sepulang beli printer langsing beli bantal

2 juga omg huhu

Aayh baii sekali 😭😭😭

Ayah baik

Tapi

Kenapa ayah beli kalung gelang kesehatan huhuhu

Padahal dulu dede udah ngasi inget ayah kalau gituan ngga ada gunanya wkwkwk

Ya

Namanya juga ayah

Kemungkinan sih pengen ibu cepat sembuh huhuhu

Ya begitulah

Hehe 

Unboxing printer baru (padahal aslinya udah dibuka sama mba mbanya buat di setting setting wkwkwk)

Dan semalam langsung peresmian printer baru dengan nge print tugas dede hohoho

Welcome teman dan sahabat barukuuu <3

wow android keren?

Keren.. Maksudku dulu agak kesulitan buat ngetik karena ribet kalau mau ngetik harus buka laptop dan buka web lalu ngetik

Tapi kalau ngetik dengan hp lebih simpel huhu

Sebenernya kemarin ngetik di penzu, tapi penzu ngga bisa kebaca kan? Maksudnya ribet kalau aku review semua catatanku hiks

Jadi kesini lah aku, menginstal aplikasi vlogger dan tadaa membuka kembali steedy yang lama terbengkalai

Yup

Story of Qeedy is back yeyyy